8 communication skills that every happily married couple knows

If you recognise your marriage in the above description, you are far from alone.

Every couple can remember the early days of courtship and honeymoon: the time when there was only one person in the world whose thoughts mattered.

What attracts couples to each other and forges their "I have to spend the rest of my life with you" bond is what is most easily lost.

You might think that couples put everything worthwhile on the table before they get married.

Apparently, it becomes the "price of entry" to the dream of marital bliss.

Over time, however, that commitment is taken for granted.

The stories that made your partner so fascinating at one time now become a nuisance when repeated.

And when children and work make you feel you need to add extra pages to your diary, it is natural to cut back on non-essentials.

Without warning, you are left without knowing how to get your spouse to communicate with you.

Unfortunately, the perception of "the essentials" is confused with the monotony of daily responsibilities.

It is also buried under the weight of unfinished emotional "stuff" that is brought into the marriage.

And before you know it, intimacy - the real emotional intimacy that trumps sexual intimacy - lifts off the accelerator and comes to a halt.

In an interview on how wives can get their husbands to open up, Pastor Kevin Thompson shares an important perspective on men.

She says that one of the most constant complaints she receives from women is that men don't talk.

The surprising reality, she says, is that men want to talk more than they do. They really want the connection of intimacy.

Whether you're the husband or the wife, here are 8 ways to sharpen your communication skills in marriage and improve your intimacy.

Do you really want your spouse to talk more... or listen more?

Good and effective communication is a healthy reciprocity of both.

But if you feel excluded from the potential of your marriage because of poor communication, it is important to be honest about your needs.

Women who complain that their husbands don't talk often really want their husbands to listen to them.

Not just listen in one ear and listen in the other, but listen with your heart.

Anything can be shared when the sharing environment is safe.

That's why working with a therapist can make so much progress when you don't know how to get your spouse to communicate.

Lack of communication is often a sign of fear.

Therefore, it is imperative that you never, ever use your spouse's words against him or her. You vowed to love, protect and care.

When and how did you think you would have to live these vows if not when you communicate?

Be your spouse's safe place. Take good care of your spouse's heart and see what emerges when you do.

We can joke all day long about how different men and women are. But if we don't learn from the differences and apply the lessons, we are just wasting valuable information.

When it comes to communication, men and women not only have different styles, but also different needs.

Women crave empathy, men crave respect. And their communication styles reflect these differences.

Wives, it may be natural for you to maintain eye contact during conversations.

You may also weave your conversations, sometimes overlapping or intervening in a cooperative way.

Men, you may feel more comfortable talking while doing something - walking, fishing, gardening.

Sitting face to face can create tension, so sitting next to each other and taking turns in conversation can be more comfortable.

The important thing is that each seeks to understand the other. Learn your partner's love language... and speak it.

Listening is not a waiting game. It is a learning mission.

You are looking for information to help you know and love your spouse more intimately.

You will not observe or hear the nuances of the information if you simply wait for your spouse to stop talking so you can say what you want to say.

Listen in silence. Listen with compassion. Listen without judgement. Do not override, pounce, or fill in the gaps of silence.

Even reassuring comments can stop your partner's flow and their confidence in the safety of the conversation.

5. Ask open-ended questions

6. Timing, timing, timing is everything