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How to Identify a Narcissist and Overcome Their Manipulation

Discover how to identify a narcissist and understand their impact on self-esteem. Learn about types of narcissism and strategies to overcome their emotional manipulation....
21-08-2024 19:00







  1. The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on Self-Esteem
  2. The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse
  3. Strategies to Overcome Narcissistic Abuse

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The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on Self-Esteem



Narcissistic abuse can have a devastating effect on a person's self-esteem. Caroline Strawson, in her book “How To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse,” highlights that this type of abuse is not a sudden phenomenon, but a gradual process that slowly erodes the victim's self-worth.

Emotional manipulation presents itself insidiously, making victims feel trapped in a cycle of idealization and devaluation that leaves them confused and emotionally devastated.

Strawson emphasizes that “narcissistic abuse is not like a light switch” and that the victim may not realize what is happening until it is too late.

Strawson distinguishes between two types of narcissism: overt and covert. The overt narcissist is easier to identify, as they seek attention in an obvious way and lack empathy.

These individuals tend to have an inflated self-image and believe they deserve preferential treatment. On the other hand, the covert narcissist is more subtle and can disguise their inflated ego by acting like a victim to gain sympathy.

This type of narcissist uses manipulation techniques, such as gaslighting, to confuse the victim and make them doubt their own judgment.

Strawson describes these covert narcissists as "experts at disguising their sense of personal importance," which further complicates the identification of the abuse.


The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse



The cycle of narcissistic abuse, according to Caroline Strawson, consists of four phases: idealization, devaluation, discard, and reconciliation.

In the idealization phase, the narcissist floods the victim with attention and validation, leading to a release of wellness hormones.

However, devaluation occurs when the victim fails to meet the narcissist's expectations, resulting in emotional punishment.

During the discard phase, the narcissist distances themselves and uses tactics such as silent treatment to destroy the victim's self-esteem.

Finally, in the reconciliation phase, the narcissist attempts to draw the victim back into the cycle of abuse, often through romantic gestures that seem reparative. This cycle, which can repeat indefinitely, is crucial to recognize in order to understand the toxic dynamics of the relationship.


Strategies to Overcome Narcissistic Abuse



For those who have been affected by narcissistic abuse, CarolineStrawson highlights the importance of seeking support and therapy. Recognizing that one is not alone and that recovery is possible is fundamental to healing.

Self-care practices, such as meditation, exercise, and writing, can help restore self-esteem and rebuild personal identity.

It is also vital to establish clear boundaries and learn to identify narcissistic behaviors, such as constant criticism and emotional manipulation. By taking these steps, victims can begin to free themselves from the cycle of abuse and work towards a healthier and more balanced life.

Astrological guide to overcoming a narcissistic boyfriend



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  • When a narcissist starts to push you away, does it mean they have a new source of energy on the horizon?

    Hello! ? Thank you for sharing your concern. With narcissists, it often happens that they seek new sources to satisfy their needs, including attention and admiration. When they start to push you away, it may indicate that they have found someone else from whom they can get the desired validation and energy.

    Here are some thoughts to consider:

    1. Energy exchange: Narcissists need constant feeding for their self-esteem. If they feel they are no longer getting enough feedback or attention from you, they may direct their energy towards someone else.

    2. Playful behavior: Narcissistic individuals may also use rejection as a technique to control others and play emotional games.

    3. Know your boundaries: It’s important to monitor your emotional well-being. If you feel rejected or belittled, consider whether this relationship is still serving you and if you want to continue in it.

    Questions you might ask yourself:
    - How does this situation make you feel?
    - Are you ready to move on, or do you want to try to work on the relationship further?

    It’s important to take care of your mental and emotional well-being. ? If you have more questions or need support, I’m here for you! ?
  • How does the presence of a new source of energy affect the narcissist's communication with you?

    Hello! ? Thank you for bringing up this important topic. The presence of a narcissist's new source of energy can affect your communication in various ways:

    1. Distance and coldness: The narcissist may start communicating with you less or be emotionally distant, as they can satisfy their needs through someone else. This may raise questions in you about their true feelings towards you. ❄️

    2. Games and manipulation: They may become more open and friendly towards their new partner, but maintain or even deepen antagonism towards you. They may intentionally create insecurity in you to keep you close. ?

    3. Changing self-esteem: When the narcissist finds a new source, their self-esteem may be higher, and they may start seeing you as less valuable, causing you emotional pain. This makes communication more difficult and affects the balance of your relationship. ?

    4. Harsh message: Rejection or ignoring may be part of their game, making you feel worthless. It’s important to remember that this does not reflect your value. ??

    Questions you might ask yourself:
    - How do you feel about this new situation?
    - Are you ready to express your feelings in your relationships?
    - How do you support yourself in difficult times?

    It’s important to take care of your emotional well-being and not let others' opinions affect you too much. ?? If you want to discuss further or ask for clarifications, I’m here for you! ?
  • When a narcissist has found a new source of energy, do they no longer care about the old one at all, or is this rejection just a game?

    Thank you so much for asking about this complex yet very interesting topic! The behavior of a narcissist when they find a new source of energy is indeed multi-layered and can vary depending on personality traits and relationship dynamics. Here are some aspects that can help understand whether they truly no longer care or if it's just a game:

    1. Feeling as a resource: Narcissists often tend to see relationships and emotions as resources. Finding a new source of energy can give them new energy and attention, which in itself can boost their self-esteem. Therefore, they may initially decrease their attachment to the old one. ?

    2. Rejection as a conscious choice: Sometimes a narcissist may consciously choose to reject another person to avoid sharing their new moment of glory and to keep a distance from others. This may seem cold, but it is often related to their desire to receive recognition with little effort.

    3. Adjustment and habit: Interpersonal attachment and habits may still remain. Even though they have found a new source, they may still feel a certain level of nostalgia or ideas about more modern connections regarding past relationships. ?

    4. Emotional coldness vs excitement: Sometimes apparent indifference or carelessness can hide other emotions, such as the fear of losing a known life or uncertainty about how they will cope in a new relationship. They may feel unfocused in their bodies and try to find balance.

    5. Games and attention-seeking: Narcissists may use old relationships as a bridge to satisfy their needs for attention and validation. They may learn to manipulate situations to interact with you only when it suits them – for example, withdrawing when new benefits are not offered.

    6. Exploitation of feelings: Unfortunately, narcissists may avoid deep emotional connections as these can weaken their sense of control. They buy what they can gather, but care only superficially - relying solely on this, they act cautiously.

    Questions for yourself:
    - How do you feel about the relationships you've had with a narcissist?
    - What have been your limitations or needs in the current situation?
    - What have you learned through your feelings and experiences?

    It's important to focus on yourself and your self-esteem. If you feel the need to talk about your feelings or thoughts, I'm here to listen! ?✨ Feel free to share!
  • How do narcissists react to feedback from other people and how can it change their communication style?

    This is a very important and interesting topic! Narcissists often react emotionally to feedback, considering their personal ego, which can indeed change their communication style. Here are some key ways they respond to feedback from others and how it can affect their behavior:

    ### 1. Defensive Position ?️
    Narcissists may respond to criticism or negative feedback very defensively. They might start responding to attacks by justifying their behavior or blaming others. This can lead to a change in their communication style, where hostility and the need to protect themselves take precedence over cooperation.

    ### 2. Submissiveness and Deception ?
    Some narcissists may, in certain situations, especially when they feel vulnerable, start seeking sympathy. They might try to present themselves as lesser to earn the love or approval of others. This can lead to potential flexibility and the cultivation of empathy, even if it is just a strategic move.

    ### 3. Enthusiasm and Sense of Power
    When the feedback is positive or affirms their ego (e.g., praise), they may become extremely enthusiastic and open. Their communication style becomes elevated, and they start sharing even more ideas and feelings. It might look like:
    - "I am so great! Come on, let me share my achievements!"

    ### 4. Silence and Distancing ?‍♂️
    In the case of bad comments, they may decide to avoid people or environments where they might receive negative feedback. This can lead to isolation, pushing them further into feelings of worthlessness and narrowing their social circles.

    ### 5. Withdrawal
    In some cases, when a narcissist is left out of the spotlight due to their behavior, they may become more reserved and humble. However, this may not be a permanent change; it is more of a periodic reaction.

    ### How does this affect these individuals?
    Their reactions to feedback can deepen subsequent isolation and lead to unpredictable relational dynamics, teaching both the narcissist and their partner to better understand the dynamics and connections. It is important to keep in mind that the communication style of narcissists can be complex, and since their reactions are often driven by personal feelings and fears, it can mean a continuous cycle of justifying themselves to acceptance.

    ### Questions for you:
    - Have you noticed similar reactions in close relationships?
    - What have your experiences been with narcissistic personalities?

    I look forward to your thoughts! ??

I am Alegsa

I have been writing horoscope and self-help articles professionally for over 20 years.


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