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5 ways you are unintentionally damaging relationships

Some traits and behaviors are extremely damaging to relationships, and can creep into your character without you realizing it....
Author: Alegsa
23-03-2023







  1. 1. "I'd rather protect myself than be vulnerable and get hurt".
  2. 2. "This is your problem, not mine."
  3. 3. "Transparency is the key to a relationship of trust.
  4. 4. "I said I love you, but..."
  5. 5. "That makes me feel uncomfortable".

Your personality is a unique blend of experiences and genetics, which develop over a lifetime.

The traits and behaviors you choose to adopt will influence your character and determine how you relate to others.

Sometimes it can be difficult to see your own character flaws, but if you pay attention to the reactions of others, you can identify them before they damage a relationship. Personal growth means accepting responsibility for your actions and seeking new and better ways to interact with the world.

 However, there are some common negative habits that can erode your character without you even realizing it; such as lack of empathy, selfishness or excessive pride.

For this reason it is important to be aware of the impact you have on those around you in order to build a positive character.


1. "I'd rather protect myself than be vulnerable and get hurt".

When we face the world, we have two choices: we can open ourselves to vulnerability and unconditional love, or we can close ourselves off to avoid the pain of being disappointed.

Many people choose this second option as a defense mechanism; they prefer to be closed to love and connection so they don't have to deal with the possibility of rejection or emotional harm.

 This attitude can be especially strong when we learned as children that people don't always keep their promises or behave as we expected.

 Families disintegrate, parents are unable to establish a proper emotional bond, and the world is full of imperfect people who make mistakes.

 This disposition toward caution is only reinforced when we are bullied, rejected for our feelings or cheated on in previous romantic relationships.

However, while the fear of being hurt may be realistic and even logical, it also prevents us from truly experiencing love and the deep human connections that allow us to grow as individuals.

 If we block all possibilities of love before they can hurt us, we will never have the satisfaction of true human contact.


2. "This is your problem, not mine."

When we face difficult situations with our partner, it is common to feel tempted to adopt a defensive posture.

 This means that we close ourselves to dialogue and avoid opening up to each other.

 The Gottman Institute identified this attitude as a key element of the Four Horsemen of Communication, which are responsible for destroying relationships between two people.

 The defensive response is often our way of dealing with criticism and unpleasant comments.

 It is a mechanism used to protect ourselves and minimize damage caused by the other person; however, this posture, only deepens the already existing discomfort in the relationship. For example:

"I thought you were going to do the dishes tonight? It's 11 o'clock and they're still not done."

 "I didn't hear you say that.... No one told me that. You can't blame me for that, you should have said it before!"


 The only thing we achieve with this behavior is to deepen the gap between both parties.

The solution to generating a good communication environment lies in taking responsibility for our actions, listening carefully to the other's needs and putting ourselves in their shoes to try to understand their perspective.

 Although it may be difficult to move away from the safe place built by our defensive modus operandi, we can do it if we are confident and courageous enough to risk intense experiences with the one we love.

 You can read more about this here:
Eight important keys to a healthy love relationship.


3. "Transparency is the key to a relationship of trust.

It is really important to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship, regardless of the type of relationship you have with your partner.

Trust is a vital element for any type of bonding and the most effective way to demonstrate this value is by being transparent with our partner.

 This means sharing what we are doing at all times, to avoid misunderstandings or creating suspicion.

 In addition, independence is fundamental in any love relationship.

 It is relevant to respect one's own and the other's spaces; however, when it comes to freedom there is responsibility on both sides.

 It means that we must be honest about the things we are involved in and not hide anything from our partner; even those areas that we know would disapprove of us or generate conflict within the relationship.

 Many times we want to remain independent because we have had past experiences with controlling people or we feel stifled by our family environment; however, we must remember that we are free to act, but we are also responsible for our actions and decisions in front of others.

Therefore, by choosing to keep information about our behavior to ourselves, we only manage to provoke suspicion and uncertainty on the other side, emotionally distancing ourselves from the loving bond built between both members of the couple: if you want to keep love, you have to trust each other.

 Finally, if you feel insecure about showing yourself as you are in front of your partner, let him/her know what you need to know: explain how you feel openly to avoid confusion later; talk together about the subject to establish appropriate boundaries within the personal/relational context between the two of you.


4. "I said I love you, but..."

Although words can be loaded with meaning and take us to unimaginable places, the reality is that behavior speaks louder than words.

 We often feel caught between saying what we want to express and not disappointing those with whom we share our lives.

Most of us prefer to avoid conflict and for that reason we say things like "I'm not upset" or "Sure, I'll come over this weekend," when in reality all we are looking for is to maintain a calm environment.

 While we may temporarily please someone with our words, we end up being untrustworthy people to others by not acting according to what we said.

 This causes frustration and uncertainty for both the sender and the receiver of the message, since unfounded expectations are generated.

 It is essential to be honest with oneself; however, there are appropriate ways to do so to avoid hurting the sensitivities of the other interlocutors.

A direct but kind phrase always has a better impact and helps to build healthy relationships based on the practice of truth and personal responsibility.

 The next time you say something like, "I told you I loved you," ask yourself if you really feel that way or if your mind was simply trying to find a quick way around a potential conflict.

 If necessary take a step back and try again with honesty; also remember to give yourself permission to be wrong and apologize if necessary: "I know I've told you before that I loved you, but now I need to tell you... Can we talk?"


5. "That makes me feel uncomfortable".

For some people, affection is a primary way of expressing love and connection. Touch is often associated with intimacy and physical contact, especially in romantic relationships.

 However, not everyone is comfortable showing or receiving too much tactile affection, which can cause problems in relationships.

A large part of the love language for many people involves physical touch: hugs, kisses, and caresses are just a few signs of affection.

 If your partner won't touch you or rejects your gestures of affection for no apparent reason, they could be struggling with their own emotional issues or past trauma.

 It is important to try to understand the underlying mental issues that prevent your partner from showing tactile affection before judging them for their behavior.

Talking about it may be difficult for both of you if there are deep-seated fears or insecurities involved; however, working together to overcome them will make your relationship stronger and healthier.

 There are several ways the two of you can slowly move closer toward the desired goal point: joint therapy (if necessary); gradually reducing resistance to physical contact through therapeutic massage or other similar services; offering small tokens of affection starting from the basics (sharing a hot plate on a cold day); to using loving words to show your love for them - anything that works for both sides will go a long way toward helping them on their road to emotional healing.


 Our personalities are relatively unchanging from an early age, but our character is not. You are in control of your character traits and can change those that no longer serve you. When you are open, non-defensive, honest, true to yourself and loving, you are ultimately a much more ideal partner and will experience healthier and happier relationships.



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ALEGSA AI

AI assistant answers you in seconds

The Artificial Intelligence assistant was trained with information about the zodiac, sign compatibilities, the influence of the stars and relationships in general


  • What efforts should both partners make to understand each other and maintain a healthy relationship?

    Maintaining a healthy relationship requires a lot of effort and communication from both partners. Some tips to improve your communication and understand each other better include:

    1. Listen to each other carefully, with little attention.

    2. Don't bring up frequent conversations about what's going on, even what may sound outrageous.

    3. To leave room for me to grow here - just to hide my thoughts.

    4. To show our feelings openly and honestly, without fear of rejection or defamation.

    5. Spending time together and taking time to grow and make our relationship stronger.

    6. To accept that someone is different and has different opinions, and to value my ability to accept their side.

    7. To take advantage of my bail - πʊλʊ guarantee right hɛʀι fɛʀι fɛʀι fɛʀι even situations when we will need help.

    Through these efforts, you can build a relationship based on communication, understanding and respect.

I am Alegsa

I have been writing horoscope and self-help articles professionally for over 20 years.


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