How to deal when people let you down: a realistic guide

Overcoming Disappointments

In my career as a psychologist, I have heard countless stories of disillusionment and betrayal. But there is one in particular that always comes to mind when we talk about dealing with the pain caused by others.

It was the case of Marina, a woman in her thirties, who came to my office shattered by the betrayal of her best friend. The story was complex, involving secrets shared in confidence that were exposed publicly. Marina was devastated, not only by the act itself but also by losing someone so important to her.

The key for Marina, and for anyone facing a similar situation, was first to understand that the pain is valid. Validating her feelings was our first step; acknowledging her right to feel hurt without trying to minimize what had happened.

Then we worked on perspective. We often idealize people and forget that we are all human and make mistakes. This doesn't justify harmful actions but helps us understand them from a more human and less idealized place.

The next step was to focus on forgiveness, not so much for the other person but for herself. Forgiveness is a personal gift, a way to release the emotional baggage that keeps us tied to the past.

We also talked about establishing healthy boundaries. Marina had to learn when and how to open up again to meaningful relationships while still protecting herself from future disappointments.

Finally, I suggested she channel her experience into something positive: writing about it, creating art, or even talking to others who might be going through similar situations. Turning her pain into strength was a powerful catalyst for her healing.

This anecdote conveys a central message: resilience in the face of disappointment is not about denying the pain but about learning to live with it and overcome it. Each of us has the inner power not only to survive betrayals but also to thrive after them.

If you are going through something similar, remember: validate your feelings, adjust your perspective without unnecessary idealizations, learn the art of true forgiveness starting with yourself, set clear boundaries, and find a creative outlet to transform your experience into something constructive. As challenging as it may seem now, this process will lead you to a stronger and wiser version of yourself.